Virtual will

Will
noun
A legal document containing instructions as to what should be done with one's money and property after one's death


I have been planning to get my will done for a while now. I am the paranoid type and am constantly worrying about Lyla's welfare should something happen to me before she reaches adulthood. I am also the lazy procrastinating type, rescheduling my appointment with the Public Trust a few times now.

The driving force behind me getting a will done is pretty much to state Lyla's legal guardians in her parents' place. It must be someone who loves her nearly as much as I, because there ain't gonna be no money coming with that kid.

It's an embarrassing truth. When the Public Trust person starts listing my assets and liabilities, and they excuse themselves, I know they'll be having a good laugh at the back somewhere at how unbalanced my will is. I will pretty much be delegating who will be paying my loans, and I don't even have a mortgage...kalofa e. Any takers?

So I had a good think about what I do have, that may not be Public-Trust-will-worthy, but nevertheless will need to be passed on to those who will truly appreciate them. And I have come up with this.

I, Bina, daughter of the Most High God, aged 21 years, resident of Windy Wellington, do hereby revoke all my former Wills that I made when I was a pimply teenager in Saoluafata. I declare this to be my virtual Will until I actually get around to making my real will.

I maintain good health (barely), and possess a sound mind (mostly).

I hereby bequeath the following items as specified:

A. Collection of rugby pics: I leave this to Sleepless. I know you will be presented with a big burden to steward such an important collection, but I trust that you will do everything in your ability to look at the pictures every day and night and will not spare your life to keep them safe.

B. My Springboks jersey: I leave this to Stella. I don't know anyone with such limitless fanaticism, and more deserving of this most treasured article of clothing.

C. My boss: I leave him to Coconut Girl. You deserve a boss that recognises and rewards your hard work, that will give you his parking spot when you are preggo and don't want to walk from the carpark way down the road (I think you will find this perk especially useful ... lol), that encourages high standards but sets these by example. Because you're worth it.

D. My trusty laptop: I leave this to Laura. The laptop is actually from work, so make sure you get to my house first and nick it. The only condition is that you must Facebook, blog and YouTube on a daily basis with this laptop. Difficult, I know. You must put aside all that socialising and extrovert activities you are currently involved with.

E. My binoculars: I leave these to Kuaback. They will come in use for your ... ummm ... "bird watching" at the beach. Please feel free to share your findings with your virtual friends.

F. My husband: Are you serious, I don't trust him to any of you crazies!!

As witnessed by my five or so blog followers this beautiful but chilly Welly day.
Long live the queens. Over and out.

Shout out from the top

After a week of sleepless nights and intense work stress, I received a pleasant surprise today when our CEO called to tell me that I got a special mention/award thingy at our company's monthly meeting (which I was unable to attend since I'm the only-the-lonely loser working from Wellington while everyone else is in Auckland - but that's another story).




Not the award I got

 So I stand up here on the stage to receive my Oscar Geek award, and would like to give thanks to all those that have helped me achieve my goal of being Geek of the month.

1. God
The source of all my geekiness blessings. Thank you for providing an awesome job and boss, for always being faithful in answering prayer and for such favour at work.

2. Mum and Dad
For the genes. Sure, you also gave me thunder thighs, a flat head and hairy fingers, but the brain genes didn't turn out too bad. And thanks for paying my school fees at RLSS because I was too much of a wussy kid to survive public school.

3. Pati
The Duran to my Duran. For clearing Lyla out of my path when I'm at my most stressed, shouting me nice lunches when I need to get out of the office and understanding about me spending some nights with the laptop instead him.

4. My boss
Chances are if he read my blog I would not have received this award. So thankfully he has more important things to do, like running a great company that hires awesome fobs...actually, one fob.


Oh my goodness, I'm so overwhelmed...who else do I need to thank...

5. UPY science labs
By spending 9 hours every week sitting in labs, while the Arts and Commerce kids lounged and laughed at the canteen just outside the window, I was put off any career involving labs and stumbled blindly towards IT (because I was told they were paid well).

6. Angie
The lovely Malaysian lady that runs the Malaysian restaurant Sri Pinang on K'Road. Where I spent hours of bonding time with workmates while chowing on the best roti ever, and copious amounts of curry. Friday lunch at work has never been the same since I left Auckland. Thank you Angie, for filling me up so much with scrumptiousness, that I was able to handle the Friday afternoon brain haze by sleeping-with-eyes-open at my desk.

Ok, the music is playing really loud now...the ushers are dragging me off...but thank you last but definitely not least to my blog readers and the blogs I read, for the bucketloads of laughter in the wee hours of the morning that helped me to make it through to where I am today *tear*

Ezra

My lovely friend Talia Brown gave birth on Sunday 17th July 2011. For the Manu fanatics out there, you read correctly. It was on that fateful day, when Samoans the world over feasted on wallaby meat, albeit vicariously through the Manu.

So needless to say, I attempted to influence the baby naming process, by coming up with this fobby suggestion - Samoabeatwallabies3223. She politely declined (okay, more like flat out refused).

Then yesterday, the news of the boy's name was announced - Ezra Jordan Brown. The thought of the Manu fanatic may be - Have all the stars, planets, moons, asteroids and satellites aligned or what? I'm sorry, but I do not think Ezra Taylor had anything to do with the naming of this child. I am not normally a believer of coincidences, but I think just this once I can say this is purely coincidental.

Here is a link to the source of this super adorable pic (where you can also see a photo of his mother looking mighty fine even after pushing out a 10 pounder...yes, that was jealousy you detected)

Ezra Brown


If you're thinking that this post was not at all what you thought it would be, I am laughing at you.

Sponginess

Toddlers are sponges. The kind of sponge that absorbs only what it is NOT meant to absorb. And then chooses the best time to display their newfound knowledge/skill.

A few new characteristics Lyla showed today (thankfully in the privacy of our home)

Tact
I tried on a hat and asked "Baby, do you think I look good?" She looked at me, looked at the hat, paused, then said "Mummy, I don't like tea." Ha! Changing the subject when she didn't want to tell me that I looked like the cat in the hat's fat aunt. Nicely done. I will take credit for this trait.

Stealth
This photo says it all.

The hand with a mind of its own

Head looking directly at the TV, while hand pokes a hole in the glad wrap and creeps closer to the chocolate cake! So engaged is she in her covert role, that she doesn't notice me taking a photo. She probably (definitely?) got this from me too.

Delusion

I was looking through the Manu FB page and she sat down as well and had a look. This photo came up and I asked her "Do you know who this is?" She nodded. "Yes, it's Daddy!" I could not stop laughing. Now that was definitely NOT from me. No sirree. I hope she doesn't need glasses.


On a side note, anonymous blogging has been enabled. I didn't even realise it was a setting until a superstar wanted to comment as Anon to keep under the radar from the paparazzi.

Weekly wrap

What a week it has been. Where do I start? Well, at the very beginning of course.

Sunday: Manu Samoa beat Wallabies
And by 'beat' I mean 'slaughtered'. It was a pleasure to watch, not just for the win, but the way in which they won. With so much heart, and never giving in to the Wallabies' attempt to take back what you could sense they thought was rightfully theirs.

Monday: Pretty pretty please
I checked the Sky schedule...no more replays of the Manu game. So I sent this short but heartfelt plea to Sky



Tuesday: Baby Becks
The Beckham baby was born. Harper Seven. That confused look on your face? That's what I had on too.

Wednesday: Go the Manu
The already popular 'Go the Manu' Facebook page started gaining even more momentum. As the NZ speeding ads go 'The faster you go, the bigger the mess.' In this case it wasn't the page itself, but more the people that were joining. I suppose it was inevitable. It started with a small group of like-minded fanatics who loved the Manu ... for the team they wanted to be, and for the team that they almost were ... we love them, we LOVE them. (Sorry, did I mention I'm on a Jerry Maguire buzz?) As the numbers increase, a few psycho stalkers and know-it-all loo-hoo-hoo-zer-hers have slipped through too. And of course, our favourite, the anal one, who didn't bother to read the page description: "This is a fun page for all supporters of our Manu Samoa rugby team in the lead up to the Rugby World Cup in New Zealand."

Thursday: Only the lonely
Husband flew out last night for a family faalavelave. It's just me and the tiger-monkey-queen. So I thought, I would revisit my idle Twitter account and see what goes on there. I logged in and never looked back. You can't look back, or blink, or go to the toilet, or take Lyla to the toilet, in case you miss a Tweet. If you ever have a spare 24 hours in your day, Twitter is the place to spend it. Then I found out I could get free text notifications every time someone Tweets me. Yes please! Then I get spammed by Sleepless. No more lonely night for me.

Friday: Lazy
Today was a work-from-home-with-Lyla day. I tried out a chocolate cake recipe courtesy of Sleepless. Bad idea. It's a good sized cake. A moist good sized chocolate cake. The kid is unwell, that leaves me to eat it all. I tell you, life can be so tough.

Now that it's nearly 10pm, it's time to kick into life, and start my cooking marathon. I plan to make mushroom soup, chicken curry and cheesecake - all to freeze and distribute to the needy in the community.

And I'm sorry if you visited just to see some hot rugby player photos. What do you think this is, my secret ogle stash a perve fest? Google him :)

Vicious love

This evening something happened that made the day/week for a lot crazed female Manu Samoa fans. Wait for it...Ezra Taylor joined the Go the Manu Facebook page.

In case you don't know, it's this guy

I am sure the minute the hard-working and devoted page administrator* posted this detail, there was a collective sigh and hearts stopping momentarily as the 600 or so female members of the page swooned. (Just speculating though, will need to check with one of these members to verify *cough*)

Then almost immediately the stampede of gushing comments began, including invitations for Ezra into fans' houses, lives and ... well you get the point. I hadn't seen the page members so welcoming before :)

And then I saw another comment. Saying how beautiful and athletic Ezra's wife is. Ooooookaaaay. *crickets* And ... ? I have to say I literally laughed out loud. Ia ua lelei defender of the universe of Ezra's wife. Now, I have no idea who this person is and if they were related to this wife or if they were offended by the comments/suggestions/invitations. But I found it hilarious. Like the fanatics give a care about wives, I mean, come on. I'm sure he (Ezra, not the friend) was flattered by all the attention and love he was getting, as vicious as some of it might have been. Lol! And it's all just silly and fun and nobody is really gonna hunt him down ... right ...?

Anyway, that's my story. I didn't want to stir the pot on the page by adding my half a cent, especially after the admin diplomatically smoothed things over. I gotta say though, some people are just tuned to a completely different station.

Go the Manu! I still love you lots. In a purely platonic way. Ua ma laia, go back to your wives.

----------------------------------------

* I don't know what the administrator is like, but I have credited her with some of my attributes :P

Hard

Yesterday I made a one-night-only return to Manurewa, Auckland. I flew up from Welly at noon, and returned the next morning. Like some kind of superstar, or super-paranoid-about-being-away-from-my-kid nutcase, or a too-poor-to-book-non-Grabaseat-fare person.

The reason for the quick solo trip was to attend my only brother's engagement party, but I tried to squeeze in a bit more Rewa and Manukau into my itinerary.

Manukau mall
A full van of fans family picked me up from the airport and we went straight to Westfield Manukau mall ... straight to the food court. Where we could have something to eat but more importantly have a good chinwag session before any shopping (mostly of the type "window") was done.

$10 Speso
One of my first memories of takeaways in Manurewa is a $10 chicken "special", which consists of some deep fried chicken nibbles and chips. It is also known to be called "Family Special" or "Family Pack" etc. You get the point. I had one of these.

The Warehouse - Clendon
Small but has just what you need. Popped in to grab a last minute gift.

Movies
We went to the Reading cinemas in Wellington once. The cinemas parks are sooooo far away and not free. The seating is super squashed...well, maybe not super squashed, but I've become accustomed to the very generous seating at Manukau and Sylvia Park. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. And while fidgeting to get comfortable I kicked my popcorn over, then spilt my drink while trying to fit it into the weirdly placed and shallow cup holders.
So last night I went to the 11:10pm movie session at Manukau. I needed to see Harry Potter and there was no way I would suffer through another Reading experience. Being 11:10pm on Saturday the crowds and action in Manukau were actually at Guada's across the street, not at the movies, and especially not for Harry Potter. More space for me! If there is a Sundance Film Festival movie you want to see...Event Manukau is the place to do it!

Clendon bakery
There are no bakeries near our Welly home. A lot of cafes, but nowhere you can get a juicy good quality potato top pie and a simple but delicious cream bun for less than $5. So that's where I (well, Mum actually) bought breakfast this morning. So on my return flight, when I got asked if I wanted a cookie or a handful of sweets I could smile sweetly and say no thanks, I had a meeeean breakfast ow.

And just like that I was on the plane and on my way back to Wellington. My South Auckland fix squeezed into less than 24 hours. Until I see you again my old home ... Rewa Hard!

FB shorts

Lyla has come down with a chest infection/sinus infection/asthma combo. Note to self: don't tempt Murphy by saying things like 'This winter has been quite mild', or he will slap you around with his law. So it's been less blogging and more Facebook stalking for me the past few days, as it's easier to do in the little bursts of spare time.

Here a few interesting/funny/thought provoking (yes, I am still talking about FB) things I came across.

Go the Manu
 

Go the Manu















If you are not a technical guru or rugby purist, but an avid supporter (or extreme stalker type supporter even) of the greatest rugby team in the world (subjective), then this is the page for you. It has all the basic components of a supporters page:

• team photos



• game schedules



• pre-game team line-up



• details of which pools the team will be swimming at (that's right...pool as in swimming pool, not a competition grouping)



• hilarious and/or angry comments (depending on the result of the latest game) from other crazed/delusional/extremist fans



• opportunity to present questions for player interviews

Chemistry funnies
 

"Hey, know any good jokes about sodium?" "Na"












Caution: Contains extremely geeky Chemistry puns

If you think the periodic table is a schedule of monthly hormonal cycles, then it would be best to avoid this page.

I quite enjoy the puns that people post on this page. I admire their wit (or is it lack of better things to do). I don't ever plan on commenting on the page though, for fear of being shot down by those waaaaay more geeky than I. When chemistry geeks get angry at you for not subscripting the numbers for a chemical formula...it ain't pretty.

Reminder
This is day 3 of working from home as Lyla's too sick for daycare. She has been driving me up the wall with her whining and constant demand for attention (*cough* love). Then I see the FB status of a friend, a single mum of 2 little boys, saying one of her boys has bad tonsillitis and they've been up all night and he might be going for surgery. Oh shucks, now I feel like a drama queen. Puts things into perspective. A little bit more gratefulness and a little less selfishness can do wonders. And so does prayer...so I'm praying for you Xavy!

Blast from the past
There are quite a few photos and posts on my News Feed about the annual Sootaga, which is like a convention for the Samoan Students Associations from the different universities in New Zealand. It reminds me of my uni days at Canterbury. And how I refused to join such an association, because it consisted mainly of NZ-born Samoans, and I was a real Samoan...a Samoan from Samoa...real Samoa, not American Samoa. What a narrow minded turd I was. In my last year of uni most of my real Samoan friends were gone, either graduated or failed the previous year on a break, and it was during that time I came to befriend many of these NZ-born Pacific Islanders. I came to appreciate the realness to them of their culture and roots. I even frequented the Pacific Islanders study room, and for that got mocked by another sufferer of I'm-a-real-Samoan-and-you're-not syndrome. Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe.

Right. Back to FB stalking.

How to survive work stress

One word - denial. Pretend that you are not under the workload more suitable for 5 people. It doesn't cure it and it sure doesn't help the work get done, but it reminds you of what sanity feels like,  what the fresh air on the other side of the tunnel smells like, and fuels you to keep going.

Ways to implement denial mode:

1. Blog - See, I'm doing it now, and it's working. Nuff said.

2. Bake - This has the double benefit of providing therapy as well as having something delicious to indulge on at the end.

3. Housework - If you're a slob like me, housework is the perfect getaway from work craziness because there is always plenty to be done. I purposely leave it there to help me in stressful times (uh-huh...there was a plan to my laziness).

4. Watch State of Origin - Yep, even if you're a NSW supporter and your team is getting SLAUGHTERED. Or you've never watched rugby league before. Because the alternative is working. So reach for that remote control right now.

5. Spend time with your kid(s) - What a notion. Even if your kid finds it a bit suspicious (like mine is) don't let it stop you.


And after doing all that, you'll be too exhausted to work any more, so go to bed straight away. Ok, so maybe the next day it will all come back to you...the mountain of work you were supposed to do the night before but chose to ignore, how pissed off your boss will be, how you might miss out on a pay rise in the next review cycle, how crap the day will be, how much coffee you will have to consume to make it through the day, and how much Neurofen you will need to counter the caffeine-induced migraine. But wasn't that moment of ignorance just bliss?


This is how I survive. Please seek professional consultation before implementing this approach. I accept no liability for unsuccessful implementations and ensuing consequences. For a limited time only. Only available in participating stores. Full lending and credit criteria apply. Each piece sold separately. Batteries not included. Refer to website for full terms and conditions.

Foo fever

Driving in to work this morning, I found out from the Morning Rumble on The Rock radio station that Foo Fighters will be coming in December! (Coming to Auckland, that is...boo!) My well-insulated groupie heart was all a-flutter. I must go.

So I put together a quick plan for things to organise in order to go:

1. Get money for tickets, on sale next week

2. Book flights to Auckland

3. Book accommodation in Auckland

4. Find babysitter for Lyla

5a. Find a nice finance company to consolidate my debts from the above activities

5b. If 5a is unsuccessful, sell a kidney on black market to pay for debts

6. Be broke just in time for Christmas

7. Lose weight - in case I fall on and break a bogan

8. Study - I don't want to be the big brown girl that doesn't know any of the lyrics

9. Don't get pregnant - last time the Foos were in town, we bought tickets nearly a year before the concert, then I got knocked up and was too bloated and "fragile" by the concert date. It was so disappointing. Don't get me wrong, the baby was ok, and she loves me more than the Foos ever will, so it wasn't all bad. But I'm not keen for a repeat of that yay-we-got-tickets-stink-we-can't-go emotional roller coaster. So what if my 5 year plan included having more than one kid before 30...

The things we do for love.

Lyrical blondeness

I like singing along to songs and knowing what they mean. (That's pretty standard right?)

It's funny though when you come across some that you've been singing along to for a while and never clicked what the words meant.

WARNING: There are pictures coming up. Do no adjust your screen or frantically search for the Back or Refresh button. You are still on the right blog, but may need to adjust your eyesight for the introduction of graphics and colour.

Example 1:

Rihanna - California King Bed

I have had (more than a few) people tell me that they had no idea this song was about a BED! Nooooo....really?? Obviously the song title and the repetition in the chorus was not enough to hit the point home. I suspect Rihanna's agent/label/person-in-charge-of-all-she-does was notified that the majority of Riri's listeners were missing the point, because when the music video was released, there she was on a glorious king sized bed (of all things). Oooh, you meant "king sized bed", not "California king...(bed)" as an afterthought? I do love that video...mmmm, what a glorious looking bed.


Example 2:
This one is my d'oh time. I can't believe I never clicked.

Bellamy Brothers - If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body

"If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me". Until very recently, I had always just thought it was "would you physically press your body against mine". It wasn't until somone said this to me, "You know, I just clicked that this line also meant actually pressing your body." Huh? Was there another meaning? Yes - would you be offended if I commented on your body. Ooooh. True. Blonde moment. And what does the meaning that I put on that line say about me? (Don't answer that!)

And in case you were wondering why dear Brit is in that picture, the Bellamy Brothers claimed she ripped off their song with this line in one of her songs - “If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?” That and the fact that she does have a beautiful body...hope she doesn't it against me...


Ok, so I only had 2 examples off the top of my head :) Let me know if you have any more.

Rugby gaga

The rugby world cup starts in 66 days. Now, before you assume I am the face-paint rugby crazed type ... I'm not. I do have teams that I love - Crusaders, Springboks and of course, the boys in blue - Manu Samoa.

As a teenage girl living in the wop wops of Samoa, I was quite fanatic about rugby. I won a trophy/cup in high school for something (note: something COMPLETELY un-sporty like mathematics or chemistry) and the side that had my name and the subject on it, I covered with a piece of cardboard on which I had scribbled "Webb Ellis Cup". True story. The lovely ladies at the photo shop past Molesi were quite used to me turning up clutching a newspaper photo asking for it to be laminated. They would smile and ask "Oh, who's this?" It was usually Bobby Skinstad. Or Joost van der Westhuizen. Yes, stalker scary fanatic.

Fast forward n years and I no longer have the energy to be fanatic (apologies for sounding repetitive, this is the general tone of my posts - getting old and tired). For my teams, I will sit still for 2 hours and Facebook/catch up with the blog world in front of the TV and look up to watch when the commentators voices start rising.

For a while the thought of the rugby world cup "coming to town" was just blah blah to my ears. But today, the pool match tickets went on public sale. I had the honour *cough* of buying the tickets for hubby and friends for one of the Manu Samoa games. And it wasn't until I received the confirmation email for the tickets that reality hit...the Webb Ellis cup was going to be competed for in this country in 2 months time. Ooooh exciting! At that point I also felt a bit of envy that I couldn't go. And in a matter of seconds, that envy turned into relief that I wasn't going, because like I mentioned before, I'm too old and tired for that stuff.

However, I am still excited about the games. Excited about the excitement surrounding the games. With hubby going to the game(s), Lyla and I will be able to enjoy the games girlie style. Hmmm, I think we'll dress up and have a high tea party while we watch the game on SKY. So our theme is completely unrelated to rugby or Manu Samoa. That's a minor detail. Woohoo for the world cup and William Webb Ellis and all things rugby!

Forget you

It's Friday. The day when my patience gauge is way below empty...I'm sputtering along and getting ready to pull over. And all the imbeciles I could ever encounter through work come out to play.

I am so peed off right now, and so close to committing career suicide. ARGH!

Deep breaths...

Mantra of the day:
He's an idiot - it's what they do. He's an idiot - it's what they do. Oooooossa...

Last Friday's mantra was (as my FB status will testify): Don't be mean. Don't be mean. Don't be mean.

Ok, I think I'm ready to log back in now and kindly reply to the email:
"Dear [insert name of idiot]

Where is the bloody file I was sitting up and waiting for since midnight? My apologies for seeming impatient. I realise that you have only had the request for 20 minutes so what you have been doing, twiddling your thumbs since then but we urgently require the file for our reports.

I will await your response when the file is available but I won't hold my bloody breath

I know where you live
Regards,
Sina"

Argh...as CeeLo put it (after censorship) ... forget you!